Goldcorp

Newmont Goldcorp is no more. 

We assess how different people/things and, of course, businesses fared this week

If you’re looking for happy, good news about the province of British Columbia…well, you’re not going to find it here. At least not this week.

It was a week in which (at least) 15 B.C. residents were killed in a plane crash that claimed the lives of 63 Canadians.

So while we’ll try to bring some humour to your day as usual, we’re not happy about it.

Here’s what made the grade (and what didn’t) this week.

Prince Rupert Port Authority

Grade: B–

We were all set to give the port a great grade this week. After all, it enjoyed a record year in 2019 and expects to exceed that pace in 2020.

BUT THAT’S WHY YOU GOOGLE THINGS, PEOPLE.

This piece of news? Not so good. We can only hope the port has learned from 2017’s mistakes. We know we haven’t. Just on a personal level.

TrudeauAdam Scotti/Handout/The Canadian Press

Facial hair

Grade: C+

Who knew that after blackface, India and SNC-Lavalin, the only thing that could actually destroy Justin Trudeau’s (physical) image was some awkward facial hair?

Look, we get it, shaving every goddamn day is annoying. But c’mon. He has too pretty a face to try and rock a salt-and-pepper beard. It’s also not nearly thick enough to really work. And the colour difference with his hair really prompts the important question we’re all surely thinking:

Is dude dyeing his hair?

Daily Hive

Grade: C

The guy suing Daily Hive is likely not going to be successful. But putting a microscope on the fact that the site used to pay nothing (and is now apparently proud about offering $30 per piece) is…something.

One wonders if everyone who gave them a 10th birthday shoutout (including the prime minister, pre-beard) knew about that.

Goldcorp

Grade: C–

The PM and Lisa from accounting weren’t the only ones committed to a new image for 2020.

Mining giant Newmont Goldcorp was also looking to switch things up, apparently, and less than a year after the company swallowed Vancouver’s Goldcorp, it dropped the hyphen. It’s now just Newmont Corp. again.

At the time of the merger (cough, sale, cough), Newmont maintained that the company would keep a strong presence in Vancouver. Fool’s gold?

Bank of Montreal

Grade: F

You probably don’t need us to go over the brutal details. But here they are in a nutshell: guy and his granddaughter walk into a downtown Vancouver bank and are escorted out and handcuffed. And, oh yeah, they’re Indigenous.

Feels like this one is going to follow BMO around for some time.

Not that the Vancouver Police should get out of it unscathed, either.