Horgan
Credit: Courtesy of Government of British Columbia

What should be under John Horgans Christmas tree this year? 

We assess how different people/things and, of course, businesses fared this week

This is your last Report Card before the holidays (and maybe ever, if our enemies get their wish), so you better enjoy it.

And we’ve got something special for the occasion. Instead of the usual grades, we’re going to give out gifts to prominent B.C. people and businesses.

Have they been naughty or nice this year? Time to find out. You better believe we’ve got a list.

Vancouver City Council

Gift: Cannabis edibles

These are supposed to be in licensed stores any time now (and available online this week), and we think some council members could really use some. Why? It’s time to chill the heck out, Mayor Stewart and company.

After one last big vote for the year (fittingly, it was on a contested Kitsilano development), we really hope councillors can take a chill pill (or maybe a gummy) before getting back to work to do it all again. The perks of a divided council.  

John Horgan

Gift: Hatches

He needs something to batten down, right?

And yes, if the premier’s kids are reading, they can feel free to send me something for this great idea.

For real, Horgan’s seat is going to start heating up after the break as his minority government heads into the second half of its term. Everyone’s favourite dad joke connoisseur has already acknowledged that his party needs an energy boost.

And with the BC Green Party surely seeking to differentiate themselves from the NDP in preparation for the next election and the Opposition BC Liberals nipping at his heels, some nice hatches are very much needed.

Preferably it’s something very secure, maybe with a nice cedar finish.

Andrew Wilkinson

Gift: A different tack

Speaking of which, it’s starting to be the same old stuff from the BC Liberal leader, who just sends out the attack dogs on any issue, even those where his party has a historically terrible record (cough transit strikes).

Maybe being gracious or humorous or, I don’t know, personable, would help Wilkinson. Because being the angry dude sure isn’t.

Vancouver Canucks

Gift: A win

Because they can’t buy one right now, get it?

No, the real gift here would be the ever-elusive “meaningful games down the stretch” that the team has been coveting the past several years. We’d say the playoffs, but it doesn’t seem like even Santa could deliver that.

ClarkBC Innovation Council, Flickr

Christy Clark

Gift: The presence of mind to stay out of federal politics

Many have been waiting to see what the former premier’s next move will be. Could it be the federal Conservative leadership, as some have speculated? 

Well, she didn’t rule it out

There are plenty of reasons to not want the spot vacated by Andrew Scheer, but the main one for Clark is probably this: she’s an embattled figure in B.C. (to say the least), and that’s one province where the Conservatives hope to make gains.

Plus, there’s that tiny matter of her history of being a federal Liberal. Not a great look. 

Ian Gillespie

Gift: An invisible shield

It’s not for the Westbank Corp. founder, but for the massive chandelier his firm commissioned from artist Rodney Graham that hangs under the Granville Street Bridge and cost a reported $4.8 million.

We have a hunch that thing will need some sort of protection. Would an invisible shield cost more or less than 24-hour surveillance for the foreseeable future? Thoughts, Tesla?

BCBusiness, of course, in no way condones any sort of vandalism. But we do predict it like we see it. 

LifeLabs

Gift: A pamphlet on cybersecurity

The B.C.-founded lab testing outfit scared the living daylights out of people from coast to coast by announcing that it had paid hackers a ransom for attacking the records of as many as 15 million Canadians.

So it might be a good idea for the company to get educated on the whole cybersecurity thing. There are plenty of B.C.-based businesses that would love to help you out, LifeLabs. Give it a shot.

Meng Wanzhou

Gift: A trapdoor

C’mon, that massive Dunbar home has to have a few secrets that could help Huawei Technologies exec Meng plan her escape, right?  

Maybe a fake bookcase that leads to a basement that leads to a sewer that leads to an unmarked van hightailing it to the Pacific Ocean? 

In all seriousness, it would be great if this could all be over and the two Canadians detained in China on what we’d call suspicious terms are allowed to come back home. 

Evo Car Share

Gift: Nothing

The Vancouver company already received its gift with this week’s news that main rival Car2Go will cease operations in North America.

We do have a suggestion, though: better service and a more competent app. It’s go time, Evo (yes, intended), and it’s time to step it up.

Homeowners

Gift: Some perspective

I know, the 7-percent increase in property taxes by the city probably appals you to your very core. You worked harder than all those people who don’t own single-family homes, and now you’re being punished. The world is unfair.

After all, it made perfect sense for Vancouver to pay much less in property taxes than every other large municipality in Canada. No change was needed.

TransLink

Gift: Labour peace

Wouldn’t that be nice?