Big Fat Deal: $4 million for fabulous Formica and flowered floors

Each week, BCBusiness takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 10551 No. 6 Road, Richmond

Price: $4,288,000

Listing: R2272560 

The skinny: Three-bedroom, two-bathroom, 1,600-square-foot house on 2.72 acres in East Richmond.

The bling: It isn’t often that we at Big Fat Deal find ourselves at a loss for words. Indeed, waxing lyrical over the hyper-inflated, unapologetically pretentious properties of the global elite most often comes forth in a cathartic rush. The ghastly overconsumption of it all can usually induce the spontaneous dyspeptic burps of free-flowing caustic commentary you know and love. But, dear readers, this week a property so remarkable, a dwelling so unique—a house being outrageously undersold by its real estate representative as “sweet”—has, quite literally, sucked the satirical juices clean out from our salivating chops. For who among us could ever have guessed at the glories hidden behind the front door of a building that, at its most generously described, resembles nothing so much as a school portable? Which of us would have believed that a so passionately preserved relic of a bygone age would await our eyes? The Formica! The tiles! The floors! Imagine if you can, a house in the woods. The front door opens and some strange, unexplainable force leads you to walk though. Whoa! You’re in a psychedelic corridor with mint green walls and weird multicoloured lighting that conspires to make the massive flowers on the carpet pulsate like flames. Have you walked onto the set of a low-budget 1970s horror flick, or are you just living the nightmare that is only having $4M to spend on a home in B.C.?

The hidden extras: Frankly, we shudder to think. We’re just glad there’s no cellar.