Each week, BCBusiness takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province
Address: 698 Westhyde Place, North Vancouver
The skinny: Six-bedroom, seven-bathroom, 5,446-square-foot neoclassical palace on a 9,690-square-foot lot in North Vancouver
The bling: This six-bedroom palace has been certified by Built Green Canada. But it isn't green. It's white. Really, really white. Everything is white. The outside, the inside, the walls, the floors, the kitchen, the couch, the car in the driveway. Yes, the car pictured here is also white. You will probably need to supply your own car but do not, I repeat, do not attempt to drive up in some crappy brown or sickly beige number. That could trigger the driveway's immune system.
From the outside, the first thing you'll notice about the house is that it is white. And not just a white house, but a White House. It's got everything but an oval office and Jared Kushner. If you are not already dating someone named Melania you should not put in a bid. In fact, it is possible that the interior decorator heard the architectural plan was based on a White House design and got the wrong idea. If you own a black Lab it would leave a trail through the house like Jeffy from the Family Circus. If you spill food, you will instantly become Jackson Pollock. Or perhaps Corey Hart—you will want to wear your sunglasses at night. Anyway, all that bright white decor will offer a blank canvas for your own unimpeachable good taste.
There’s also a two-bedroom legal suite that could be perfect for international heads of state, visiting porn stars or whomever.
The price is about $4.3 million. They will expect money, too—it won't be enough just to dig up dirt on Joe Biden.
The hidden extras: The house is very close to a body of water called Mosquito Creek. It's probably just a name—no need to drain the swamp.