Each week, BCBusiness takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province
Address: 8596 Squilax Anglemont Road, St. Ives
The skinny: Four-bedroom, four-bathroom, 5,860-square-foot house on Shuswap Lake
The bling: You may recall the old riddle:
As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives
Every wife had seven sacks
Every sack had seven cats
Every cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks, wives,
How many were going to St. Ives?
Let's leave the solution for later. First of all, this hypothetical cat-farming bigamist will clearly need plenty of space. A rental situation is not feasible—not with that many animals. In fact it is possible the buyer will require the property to be rezoned for agricultural purposes. Well, this spacious home in St. Ives, a community located on the shores of Shuswap Lake, has close to 6,000 square feet. Four bedrooms would be enough for most people, but for this lunatic that ship sailed three marriages ago. Based on the photos there do not appear to be any cat doors. However, the new tenant is likely to appreciate other features of the home, such as the elevator, which could allow for fast getaways from the police or the BC SPCA. Cats and kits should not be kept in sacks, you monster.
Smart alecks will take this opportunity to point out that the answer to the riddle—How many were going to St. Ives?—is one, since everybody else was going the other way. But it is clear in this context that the person going to St. Ives was a realtor and so everyone else promptly turned around and made tracks for St. Ives as well. This gang of fugitives would be in desperate need of a hideout. Then again, a calendar full of divorces and weekly gravel trucks full of kitty litter could make the $4-million price unrealistic. I have a feeling this guy is going to end up living in a doghouse.
The hidden extras: There's a tennis court. It's shared with a neighbour, but these folks must be used to sharing.