Big Fat Deal: $5 million to make every day a holiday in Abbotsford

Each week, BCBusiness takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 2288 King Road, Abbotsford

Price: $4,888,000

Listing: 401305

The skinny: Seven-bedroom, 14-bathroom, 14,906-square-foot house on 12 acres in Abbotsford

The bling: The world can feel like a very depressing place, we know. So much misery and hate—honestly, it’s incredible how maligned the wealthy among us can be. You’ve worked hard all your life, you’ve kept your underlings on a tight budget—they never needed a union, they were blessed with you—and it’s just not right that your golden years should be undermined by the constant wails of discontent from the losers out there. Yes, we said it: there are the winners who take it all, and that just leaves the losers, right? It’s perfectly reasonable to whisk yourself away to the country (well, Abbotsford, in this case) and live a quiet life surrounded by only the good things—as Marie Kondo would say, the things that bring you joy. And so it is that you will damn well celebrate your good fortune with bright lights and baubles all year round because, let’s face it, being able to celebrate Christmas 24/7 really is the cherry on top of your financially fragrant life. Yes, we’re talking turkey and trimmings and chestnuts roasting on an open fire, whiskers on kittens and warm woolen mittens, and anything else your wizened little heart desires. After all, Bailey’s a day keeps reality away (combined with an off-shore, tax haven bank account, of course).

The hidden extras:The baby Jesus and his entourage in your hallway, vintage polystyrene ceiling tiles in the breakfast room, and rose petals festooning your bathtub. Modest cottage for the help.