Each week, BCBusiness takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 675 Cain Road, Galiano Island  

Price: $8,580,000

MLS: R2070758

The skinny: Eight-bedroom, eight-bathroom, 4,800-square-foot house on a 9.4-acre Galiano Island estate.

The bling: Ba-da-bing! This place is perfect: isolated, only accessible by boat and helicopter (yep, there’s a helipad), surrounded by tall trees and away from prying eyes. It’s safe, very safe. There are no predators, no cougars anywhere to be found. Seriously, when the heat is on—and you know it is—a family compound in a country used to turning a blind eye to fleeing U.S. draft dodgers is just the escape hatch you could use. We know it’ll be a struggle to get used to not being in charge of screwing up the whole world, but keep your hair on… It is? Oops. No wait. Listen: there is a GOLF COURSE. Yes, yes, it’s only four holes, but that’s a way bigger circuit than you’d get banged up in the actual hole. Right? And—wait for it—the island has a gun club. The boys are gonna fit right in. It’s gonna be great. Everybody says so. You’re gonna love it. It was made for only the best. Go on. Say it. Be more than the best. Be Best.

The hidden extras: Extremely clean water. The cleanest. Everybody says so. Fully secure. Completely fenced in. You built your wall. Right there. Everything is state of the art. State. Of. The. Art. Everything.

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