Big Fat Deal: $4.3 million for a superlative suite in Vancouver’s Trump Tower

Inside a three-bedroom, three-bathroom, 1,603-square-foot condo in downtown Vancouver

Each week, BCBusiness takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: #4303, 1151 West Georgia Street, Vancouver

Price: $4,290,000

Listing: R2360750

The skinny: Three-bedroom, three-bathroom, 1,603-square-foot condo in downtown Vancouver

The bling: This Trump Tower condo is amazing, the best. It has 10,000 square feet. Probably the biggest condo ever. The listing says 1,603 square feet, but that is just the fake media. There are three bedrooms, three bathrooms and a big sundeck, way up high where you can stand outside and enjoy the sunset and how high you are and also spit on people.

It has great views of the Lions Gate Bridge, which is a fantastic bridge. Donald Trump built that bridge. You can also see Stanley Park, which is a great piece of real estate that somebody should do something with, something classy like a casino.

There’s an incredible security system to keep out the losers and the low-energy people and the neighbours from the lower floors with their crummy $1-million condos. And you get access to the Trump hotel amenities including the world-class spa designed by Ivanka Trump. You get concierge and room service. You just push a button and they will bring you a Diet Coke. When you’re famous (or when you live here) they let you do it. Also the listing mentions “private jet experiences,” but there are no photos of this so maybe your experience is standing on the sundeck watching someone else’s private jet go by. But you can’t visit that person because they have an even better security system.

The hidden extras: When you are hanging out in Ivanka’s spa, you and Ivanka will become best friends for sure and then her dad will put you in charge of Middle East peace or schools or something.