BCBusiness takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province
Address: 19870 3B Avenue, Langley
The skinny: Eight bedrooms, 11 bathrooms, 13,289 square feet, 87,120-square-foot property
The bling: “What the world needs now,” sang Jackie de Shannon, “is love, sweet love”
Not to disagree with Jackie—she makes a good point—but what the world really needs now is more bathrooms. Also lots and lots of square footage. These days keeping to yourself is not just important, it’s patriotic. It’s socially responsible. And this property has 11 bathrooms, eight bedrooms, close to 13,300 square feet on an 87,000 square foot lot.
But perhaps we had you at 11 bathrooms. And how about that square footage? You can’t practise social isolation in a hat box, you know. In a place like this, you could throw a dinner party and still pull off social distancing. With a long enough table, there’d be room for everyone to sit 20 feet apart. Plus, every guest would have their own bathroom. Some of these bathrooms look big enough that you could take a shower and never even meet the person across the room putting on their makeup.
There is, the listing says, a “spacious media room”—spacious enough perhaps that you and your friends could watch every last scrap of programming to be squeezed out of the Netflix menu while keeping two arm-lengths away from each other.
There is a pool. You can take a relaxing swim before draining it, sterilizing it and refilling it for the next swimmer. Resist the urge to add excess chlorine—it burns.
You'll also enjoy the wine room and bar. If you can afford the $6.5 million for this property, you can probably afford to pay the outrageous prices online speculators will be asking for the wine and liquor to supply them. And the toilet paper for those 11 bathrooms, of course.
There’s a very long driveway leading to a gate. The driveway is much longer than six feet. The gate can be closed and locked. It’ll be just you and your dinner guests, eyeing each other nervously.
Hidden features: There’s a spa where you could test unproven theories about viruses and heat, though we do not recommend this.