Bad Economy Breeds Bad Santas

Santa Thief | BCBusiness
Considering the economic maelstroms of 2011, jolly fat men in red ought to be raising plenty of suspicion right now.

Robberies and fat men in red suits are both prevalent in December. Coincidence? Think again.

It’s not among the more celebrated Christmas traditions. But along with the holly and the ivy, this time of year often brings its share of Santa Claus bank jobs. When you’re pulling a December heist you just can’t beat Old Saint Nick for a legitimate disguise.


No one likes to see depressing news at Christmas. The criminal class understands that. So it’s sweet that come December they often take the edge off their gun-toting felonies with jolly holiday-themed getups. The scheme was immortalized in the Canadian caper flick The Silent Partner, but it’s no Hollywood invention. When a bank-robbing Santa struck Nashville a couple of years back, he announced that he “had to pay the elves.” I’m sure everyone laughed – he had a gun. Jay Leno should try it.


Considering the economic maelstroms of 2011, jolly fat men in red ought to be raising plenty of suspicion right now. Common sense suggests this Christmas will find people cutting back, if not actually heading into their local branch packing whiskers and heat. 
It’s been a tough year. Global economic uncertainty from the North Pole to South Europe is making this holiday season a lot more red than green.


But Christmas is not exactly a celebration of common sense, and St. Nicholas is never depicted as a jolly bean counter. Luxury goods and personal pampering have been known to do well in hard times. When the economy cratered in 2008 and 2009, U.S. surveys showed that non-essential services like personal grooming, fancy pet products and even tattoos remained healthy. Last summer, with the economy in turmoil, the New York Times reported booming business for the likes of Mercedes Benz, Tiffany’s, Neiman Marcus and Saks. Times may be slow, but it doesn’t mean Vancouver Christmas shoppers are likely to cross Robson Street from Guess to Payless. 


To some extent the healthy luxury market simply reflects the reality that not everyone suffers equally when times get bad. But that doesn’t really explain the tattoos. People still want to reward themselves even when they have less disposable income. There’s something about the “disposable” part of the idea that makes folks feel good.


Perhaps that explains the bank robberies too. Santa Claus, spending money, sacks full of treasure – several holiday traditions, neatly combined. As a festive activity however, the Santa heist will never replace the carol ships. The most famous example, now a Texas legend, does have some elements found in other Christmas fables. Movie buffs will recall the classic A Christmas Story, about a kid who wants a gun, and It’s a Wonderful Life, which featured an angel who gets his wings. This Christmas story has lots of guns, guys getting winged, and some who end up at the Pearly Gates. Or some other gate, at least.


It happened December 23, 1927 in Cisco, Texas. Bank robber Marshall Ratliff donned a Santa suit and entered the First National Bank, followed by three accomplices and a gaggle of local kids excited to see Kris Kringle. Things went wrong and soon police, bandits and armed townsfolk (this is Texas, remember) were exchanging fire. Two cops and one robber were fatally wounded, and six citizens were shot. The bullet-riddled desperadoes hijacked a car, then another, lost the money and were captured. One was later executed. As for Ratliff, the original Bad Santa feigned insanity at his trial and then staged an escape attempt, killing one jailer. Enraged towns­people captured and lynched him. His last reported words did not include “Ho.”


The day after the robbery a Christmas pageant was held in a local county church. When the guest of honour arrived, a little boy called out: “Santa Claus, why did you rob that bank?”


Don’t be too hard on the fat man, kid. It’s a tough season for a lot of us.