$29 million to let the Great Bear Rainforest save the world

Each week, BCBusiness takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 1 Fawn Bluff Cove, Bute Inlet

Price: $28,800,000

Listing:R2210154

The skinny: Four-building, 11-bedroom, 13-bathroom, 12,955-square-foot fishing lodge on 340 acres on Bute Inlet

The bling:  Here’s a nice luxury solution to an ever-growing problem otherwise known as the destabilization of the free world. Yes, we’d like to reach out in semi-friendship to the anonymous resisters stealing paperwork from their boss’s desk and distracting him with the cartoon cutouts fronting Fox News. We appreciate your cunning. We do. But we think you need to start thinking a little bigger, start upping your game. Drastic times, etc., etc. And this one-of-a-kind fishing retreat could be the answer to our global crisis. It looks the high net worth part—any slightly addled, deeply paranoid narcissist could totally look at its remoteness, fly-in-only status and obviously expensive accoutrements as a home away from home. Not for one second would they imagine this as an exile, the ultimate swamp pump and dump, if you will. Because, let’s face it, incarceration is the only positive outcome here, and with space enough for the whole crooked gang—and their Russian friends (THINK BIG!)—this spot is surely far enough away from the big red button for the rest of us to get our first good night’s sleep in a couple of years. Drop ’em off, cut ’em off, and let the wilderness exact justice. Honestly, $28 million Canadian is nothing for such a worthy cause. Go fund it. Stat!

The hidden extras: Isolated, secure, easily cut off. Perfect location for the forthcoming Lord of the Flies reboot: A Fascist Family Eats Itself